I'm not talking about intuition, suspicious behavior...none of that. You straight up know for a fact that your partner has or is cheating on you. You know this person's name and you got their number from your partner's phone. Going forward I'm just going to refer to "your partner" as "your man" instead. Not to exclude anyone but feel henceforth to insert whateverthehell you want, but "your man" just flows better for me for some reason. LOL. Now, you may find my steps drawn out and bit melodramatic but there's a method to my madness.
So you have the info. It's imperative that you keep it to yourself for two to three days. To yourself... meaning don't tell your friends, your mother, your co-workers and especially not your man. It will be hard to act like nothings wrong but when he/they/she asks "What's wrong with you?" just blame it on a bad migraine, cramps, "that bitch at work"...whatever. But don't give any clues about what's really bugging you. The last thing you need is your friends filling your head up with "you should leave him, i would put his ass out, come stay with me for a while..." You need to let the infidelity marinate for two or three days.
Now...it's decision time. Before you even confront anyone or tell anyone you need to know what you want to come of this. You need to be 100% sure if you want to stay or if you want to go. This will determine later on how you confront him. Either way, he needs to be confronted. But not any time soon...you still have work to do.
Next you do your research. No, you cannot call the chick and say "Hi, this is Eric's girlfriend. I'm just calling 'cause I know you two have been seeing each other." First of all, either she knows about you and just doesn't care or she's too dumb to have realized the person she was screwing is spoken for already. Either way you're not going to get the info you called her for. If she had wanted to come clean about the affair - she would've called you. If you have her name, google her, look her up on whitepages.com, see if she's on facebook and myspace. Get as much info as you can on this person. Ideally, you can copy and paste her pic off a social network and email it to yourself. Now...you have the info you need on her.
Now its time for some trickery. You know beyond the nth degree that this is the "other woman". But to be completely sure, NOW YOU CALL THE BITCH. But you've gotta use trickery. Here's the script: "Hi, this is Mary calling from Pro Flowers. I have a flower delivery for you from Eric Smith. My driver is in your neighborhood and can't find your door." If you don't have the heart for such trickery then...eff it... tell your closest friend your dilemma and have her make the call. Now either she'll comply and give you step by step directions to her door or she'll say "I don't know any Eric Smith." But listen to her tone if she tries to deny knowing him. The bitch could be lying. (This is another reason why you can't let your man know your suspicious of him. Then he has time to school his side chick that possible trickery is imminent.)
If the flower delivery phone call goes well, then you have it! You've marinated on the situation with no outside influences, you've done your research and know its true: he's cheating. You've also decided that A) You still love him and don't want to be without him. You'll forgive him and you'll move past this together. or B) You're out of there no matter what he says or does.
Before I move on to the confrontation, I guess the quick and dirty way of catching your man cheating would be to follow him. I don't agree with following him around and trying to catch them together. Here's why... you'll roll up on them all lovey-dovey and he will turn on that chick so quick it'll make your head spin. "She don't mean nothing to me" etc. etc. This also opens up the floodgates for an emotionally charged scene that could end up physical. You slap him, she slaps you, now you're missing work because you gotta meet with your probation officer or to do your community service. I think not.
Now its time to confront him. If you have kids, drop them off somewhere for a few hours. Just in case it gets ugly, they need not be around. Don't give him time to think by saying "Who's Tasha?" Oh nooo... You should say "I happen to know that you're sleeping with Tasha Arnold who lives on the West Side, works at Xerox." (you know... drop any and all info you obtained from your internet search) Nine times outta ten he'll try to deny it but with all that info you just dropped on his ass, how can he? Hopefully his mouth just drops and he can't find anything to say so then you can advise him of your decision.
If you want to stay say something like "While this hurts me tremendously, I still love you and want to work through this." If you want to go or want him to leave, say just that so there's no grey area.
Now you ask: Why go through all these shenanigans if I already know I want to be with him still or I've already decided I'm out? Because men have a way of making you second guess yourself. They will lay that flim-flam on so heavy he'll have you thinking you did wrong for being suspicious of him. Have you feeling like that's the reason he strayed, because of your "crazy ass". Have you thinking "Maybe I was wrong for prying?" Man, listen. If you follow my steps you won't get flim-flammed and the decision to stay or go will be based upon the facts at hand. Furthermore, the decision will be yours (uninfluenced) to make and not based on an emotional fit.
Now, with that said, do you have any funny examples of lies a guy/girl has told you when you caught them cheating? Or just funny cheating stories period? Let's share...
