I quit

I've decided to take some time off from being an author. I've had it up-to-here with the state of the publishing world right now. I've gone three publishing routes throughout my career: self publishing, traditional publishing through a major house (Kensington) and traditionally through a smaller house (Anexander). Perhaps one day I'll blog on the pros and cons of all three, but today it's more of a big picture thing.

Personally, I'm frustrated that bells and whistles outsell those with true talent and passion for the art. Authors who know how to "grind" are winning and real talent is falling by the wayside. Have you ever read a book from one of these "bestselling" authors that are all over the media and wondered "who the hell reads this crap and actually likes it?" Now, I am not throwing shade at certain genres. It has nothing to do with the subject matter, moreso it has to do with the writing itself being lackluster. It's like these reality stars...Snooki is a household name from being on TV but what about the actors that went to performing arts school and would give their right arm for the attention that the media and society pay someone like Snooki? But the Snooki's and Kardashian's of the publishing world are winning. I am not mad at their branding or grinding but much like these reality stars, what are they really famous for? Certainly not talent...

Let's be clear, I am not excluding myself from this judgment!! When I first hit the scene I was so consumed with being a published author that I didn't take the time to find my voice, learn the craft, or learn the biz...nothing! I just threw in drama after drama and thought it made for a good read. I saved up enough money and voila! I was a published author! My self publishing grinding paid off because my deal with Kensington just fell into my lap. Two book deal? It was a dream come true. So they bought the rights to my first book and I pumped out another adrenaline filled story for them. Third deal was easy too, almost the same drill. (I find that many aspiring authors have the same stars in their eyes that I did. They're so eager to become published that they don't put the writing first!)

Let's not even mention the poor editing, exploitive book covers, etc., nowadays. UGH...

So I'm taking my hat out of the ring for a minute. I will never quit writing because it's my passion. However the last thing on my mind is another publishing deal. I'm putting the quality and integrity of my work first, getting it on shelves last. I am very proud of my first three books, but I guess with age comes a sense of wanting to be better and the desire to really push myself. I will return, and I will continue to be one of those grinding and branding authors but next time it will be well earned :-)

Broke mentality

Have you ever been broke? Being broke is quite subjective. I once worked at a restaurant and me and this other girl were in the dressing room putting on our uniforms and she was crying. "What's wrong?" I asked her. "I'm so broke," she replied. The bitch girl went on to say "I like to pay double on my car note and this month I can't."

I have a close friend who once said she was broke because she usually puts her entire second check (gets paid 1st and 15th) in savings and couldn't that month. (gag)

For some people being broke means having $25 until pay day the following week. Ok, I'd agree that probably doesn't feel good.

For me...my broke...my broke is being six months pregnant with my first child, shacking up with my first deadbeat unemployed live-in boyfriend and only having enough money to pay the rent. No credit card bills, car notes, or even groceries. At the time I worked at a restaurant that fed us a meal before the evening shift started and many, many times that would be my pregnant self's only meal for the day. We were BROKE. At the time I was too stupid and prideful to ask my parents for help.

Those times are far behind me and now I can say that financially I am very blessed. But I still have a "broke mentality". I have such a fear of being broke again that I find it hard to part with certain clothing and shoes. I know that God giveth and he taketh away too! So I feel like if tomorrow comes and we're without income those faded jeans or linty sweater or runover shoes will come in handy!

My husband is trying to snap me out of this thought process. He's the money man. He budgets our money and puts away money for the kids and in our savings. (if it were up to me, I'd spend every dime we made before it hit the bank!) So we (he) have a new rule: Whenever I buy a new pair of shoes I have to get rid of an old pair. (It hurts my soul to do this) Baby steps.

I know one thing: Being broke is not fun.

Turbulent Times

Those of you close to me know that there have been life changing circumstances in my life that have had me not quite myself lately! I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and dammit I have a new book out! "My Husband's Fiancee" was released on Oct. 20th and its thankfully getting really good reviews and selling well!!! I've written the first three chapters to the sequel to "Take it There" and for the first time in a few months - I'm writing a blog!! It's been a ROUGH three months, but it's time to get back to work!

This brings me around to the topic of strength and being grateful for what you have. For the last three months my life has literally been turned upside down. I dealt with the death of my aunt who left behind several minor children to be taken care of. Between my husband and I, my mother and my grandmother we've managed to keep four brothers close together and in safe, happy homes. Thank God for that.

I keep hearing "What you are doing is so great," "you are a saint," "those boys are lucky to have family like you guys." But honestly most days its a thankless, daunting task that feels as far from "good" as anything can get. At the end of the day, I'm doing what God has called me to do out of love for my aunt and knowing that if something were to happen to me my closest family members would step up and do the same for my children.

When it was just me, my husband and our two kids I would complain. I'd complain that having two kids has changed the game. I was so overwhelmed and felt I never had a moment to myself. Well, now that my household went from four people to nine in the blink of an eye, I realize I was so ungrateful before. If I thought I was overwhelmed THEN?? Back then I would've never thought I could handle another four kids in the house...but I am. I'm doing it. I'm stronger than I thought!! (My mom has also moved into the house temporarily and my husband helps too, but even so...its a lot on ALL of us)

I am so thankful today to have such a wonderful and supportive family. I'm thankful for my children and my little cousins. I'm thankful for the opportunity to get to know them better too! I love them very much.

But, back to business!!

I love you Auntie Niki

My aunt Niki was the cool, young aunt that I could ask anything. I remember her teaching me the "wop" and the "snake" back in the day when she came to visit my mother and I in Germany. I hated when she braided my hair because she was so heavy-handed, but I loved her hairstyles, especially when she'd put the heart shaped beads on the ends. She's one of the few family members that still called me "KK" just like when I was a little girl :-) Unfortunately and suddenly Auntie Niki had to leave us. I had the honor of writing her obituary. I love you Auntie Niki RIP!

Her Life: A Labor of Love

Yes, life is a tumultuous, yet rewarding journey. Ndanika (Niki) Brown arrived on January 19, 1969 to Maurice A. Bowen and Alma V. Brown. She was baptized at The Historic Charles Street A.M.E Church as a young child.

The early part of Niki’s life was spent securing her urban socialite status as the life of the party of fashion innovator. She attended the Woodrow Wilson middle School and East Boston High.

Soon after graduating high school she married Deross Bolden and enlisted in the United States Navy, earning The National Defense Service Metal before being honorably discharged in 1992.

She wore many titles from student to officer to budding entrepreneur during these times but her life’s crowning achievement has been bringing life into the world.

Her children: Deoria, Daedre, Ainsley, Darryl, Devonte, Avery (deceased) and Abijah are the achievements she’s most proud of.

Though motherhood seemed to temporarily detour her from her entrepreneurial pursuits, she bought her motivational and organizational talents into her home. Handwritten signs can be found all around her home asking to please remove your shoes before entering and to please hang your coat neatly. The millionaire’s creed hangs prominently in her kitchen for all to see. In her office you can find her handwritten ABC’s to achieve your dreams.

Ndanika’s generosity often extended beyond her children and immediate family. She didn’t ponder extending a hand when someone was in need, to her it was automatic. She gave even when there was nothing to give. She loved slow Sundays, reading, shopping, dancing, TAE-BO, braiding hair, drawing and playing family games.

Not one to mince her words, she would speak her mind even if it meant losing a valued friendship. But with Ndanika the friendships wouldn’t be lost long; she fought hard but loved harder. Always remembering to call and wish her friends and family members a “Happy Birthday” during turbulent times and peaceful ones just the same. That was just…just, Niki…

Ndanika peacefully and quietly departed on Wednesday August 19th 2009. Leaving a legacy of vividly told stories that will never be forgotten, beautiful children that will carry on her strength and tenacity, and contagious energy.

She leaves to mourn her passing her parents, children, her siblings and a host of family and friends.

My Husband's Fiancée - Sneak Peek!

Officially my third novel, "My Husband's Fiancée," will be released on October 20th but if you don't know by now, my publisher is offering a pre-order special where you'll receive a 20% discount and free shipping! You must order from my website though so here's the link: www.kairadenee.com/husband

(PS - Please excuse the formatting. I tried to indent the paragraphs but the formatting is not saving. what-evs..)


This is an exclusive sneak peek for all my blog followers! Here's the prologue:

Although Tangie sauntered only a few steps behind her fiancé and his wife he still hadn’t seen her. The couple walked hand in hand and couldn’t have looked happier. Their happiness wasn’t a front; their smiles were genuine.
She donned a pair of oversized Chanel sunglasses, but Tangie wasn’t in disguise. She wanted to be seen, but not until the moment was right.
Eric and Mikelah were strolling through the Trumbull Mall Christmas shopping for their 3 kids. His left hand was weighted down by bags from Toys R Us and Old Navy, while his right hand firmly grasped her delicate hand that was weighted down by a four carat diamond.
The ring Eric put on Tangie’s finger was half the size of his wife’s; just two carats. Yes, Tangie had a ring; she was no “jump off”, and Tangie meant the world to Eric.
The couple stopped in front of the GAP and decided to go in. Eric turned quickly to look over his shoulder; his sixth sense felt trouble brewing. Tangie didn’t flinch, but alas, he still didn’t see her.

Tangie pensively waited outside of the GAP. Taking a seat on the bench situated in front of the entrance, she was sure they’d see her when they exited the store. Tangie couldn’t wait for Eric to see her because they all needed to talk. This threesome relationship had to end.
Tangie wasn’t nervous as she didn’t need to be. She truly believed she hadn’t done anything wrong, and the truth was her strongest argument. Crossing her legs and arms, she sat defiantly waiting for the happy couple to emerge.
Tangie didn’t have vengeance in her heart. She didn’t want to start a fight or rub the affair in his wife’s face – besides Mikelah already knew all about her husband’s indiscretions. In her younger days, Tangie would’ve gotten grave satisfaction out of completely embarrassing Eric in front of hundreds of people in the mall. But it was a new day all she wanted was for him to choose.
Tangie was fed up with being someone’s second pick, someone’s side piece. It was only a year and a half ago that she’d been caught sleeping with her sister’s best friend’s man. Stupid her, but she believed Marcus when he said he wanted to be with her and would leave his girlfriend. Now it was Eric stringing her along. But no more, no more!
Tangie was bitter, pissed off and didn’t care if she tore their family apart any more.
She impatiently rocked back and forth waiting for Eric and Mikelah to exit the store. The aroma of pretzels and gourmet coffee began nauseating her as her stomach stirred with anxiety.
Twenty minutes passed before she spotted them coming towards her.
Laughing.
Holding hands.
So happy.
She stood up and crossed her arms over her chest preparing herself in the defensive stance.
Eric came to a sudden stop. His eyes became shaky.
Mikelah looked at him with a confused expression. Then she sized Tangie up.
Mikelah had seen pictures of Tangie before. She’d snuck into Eric’s email account and seen Tangie’s bare body in every freaky pose imaginable, but she had never seen her in person.
Eric’s eyes became slits. His life as he knew it was instantly over. He dropped Mikelah’s hand. Slowly, Tangie lowered her sunglasses and eased them off my face, exposing the shiny swell below her eye.
The women stared at each other, dumbfounded by their resemblance of one another.
Mikelah’s heart swelled as she looked back and forth between her husband and the woman standing in front of them. The fact that there were three people in her marriage had finally become real to her. Mikelah already knew, and sadly, had known for a while too.
The younger woman that stood in front of her could have been her twin. Well, ten years ago. They were the same person. Tangie represented the before; Mikelah the after.
Before Mikelah had three kids, her waistline dipped in at the top and opened up to perfectly curved hips just like woman standing in front of her. Before the kids and ten years of aging, Mikelah’s small breasts stood proudly under her sweaters just as Tangie’s small breasts were now.
The same shade of caramel covered their skin. Mikelah noticed this girl had the same slanted eyes that Eric said he loved so much about her. Her eyes were her husband’s favorite feature. Only Mikelah’s eyes now had the slightest hint of crow’s feet beginning at the corners. Tangie’s still held youth. Their hair, the same soft texture that gives away to baby hair around the edges. Mikelah’s slicked back in a tight chignon, Tangie’s hanging wildly past her shoulders.
Tangie represented everything Mikelah was before the stresses of ten years of marriage and three children crept up on her. That’s how Eric fell so hard and so easily for Tangie. He saw in Tangie the same fire that ignited in him when he met Mikelah fifteen years ago.
Mikelah was still stunning though, even through the slight wear and tear. But her beauty was mature, yet muted. Tangie’s beauty dripped loudly with sex appeal.
Mikelah finally broke the silence asking, “So, Eric, are you going to handle this?”
“Eric, please tell your wife how I got this black eye. Tell her!”
Eric stood with his mouth agape.
Tangie continued, “You have got to choose! Me or her! I’m tired of this emotional roller coaster!” Tangie’s Chanel’s shattered as she threw them to the floor and stepped closer to the couple. Tangie had begun crying uncontrollably, but she didn’t care.
“I believe he already made his choice, sweetie,” Mikelah declared as she held up her impressive wedding set in Tangie’s face.
“Oh you think so, huh?” Tangie asked incredulously. “Well what the fuck do you call this?” she yelled holding up her left hand in Mikelah’s face to display her engagement ring.
“Eric, what the hell is this? What is she talking about?” Mikelah asked, now screaming.
Eric looked for answers on the shiny floor.
“Eric!” Mikelah screamed loud enough to shatter glass. “Did you propose to her?”
Tangie stood there expectantly. Mikelah searched her husband’s face for solace.
No one was prepared when Kimberly approached the threesome. Tangie and Mikelah turned their attention to her now. Mikelah’s legs were like thousand pound weights. She was weak and wanted to faint but was anchored by the two thousand pound weights. Tangie’s body quivered. This can’t be happening, she thought. She felt defeated, ready to give up. This confrontation was not going how she pictured it.
Who the hell is this third woman?
Eric’s light skin turned red. The bags fell from his hand with a thud on the floor. Tangie and Mikelah jumped back at the loud noise. Again he looked at his wife and back to Tangie then to Kimberly; offering no explanation to any of them before he took off running like an Olympic sprinter.
Eric frantically ran through the mall weaving through the hoards of shoppers, nearly knocking down anyone in his path; leaving his lover, his wife and Kimberly with puzzled expressions.
“And who are you?” Mikelah asked. “Do you know Eric?”

www.kairadenee.com/husband

Are Separate Vacays OK?

My husband and I got into a huge blowout over this just yesterday. I want to go on a four day cruise to the Bahamas with my girlfriends but he thinks that as a married woman that's inappropriate. I see his point of view, but I'm more of a realist. He believes that there will be a lot of partying and drinking in skimpy clothes and its just plain trouble. I believe that if I wanted to cheat or be inappropriate, honey... I don't have to go to the Bahamas to do it.

So he and I had it out via text message alllll day long yesterday. Him saying that it's not the fact that I want to go away without him but because of the "way I was talking to him". Me, knowing damn well it was just purely him picturing me in my bathing suit jaunting around with a pina colada in my hand on a beach while he's home schlepping the kids around. The argument got pretty ugly. He said things to me that have never come from his mouth...ever!

When he got home from work he walked through the door with a bouquet of flowers and some warming massage oil. We made up. It's all good and I'm going on the cruise :-) But sheesh - it'll be a long time before I fix my mouth to say I'm going on vacation with the girls. Evidently that's not too cool within a marriage?! I suppose... Or maybe its just within my marriage that its not cool? Either way I have to respect his wishes. After all, not many men are equip to put up with my brand of crazy. He's a keeper :-)

Joan Rivers will f*ck you up!

I don't know if this was staged or if she really just went bonkers on these people. Either way I'm loving her diva antics. I'm choosing to believe this was a real flip-out because that brings me much more joy. :-)