I battled with how personal to make this blog entry because this topic hits home with me in ways that are pretty painful to relive. I wanted to share my testimony, but maybe not yet. I just launched this blog on Monday so we don't really know each other like that just yet...So fortunately and unfortunately there are plenty of public examples I can draw from instead.
When to walk away from a relationship is one of the hardest things to do, but you have to draw the line somewhere! Knowing when is a difficult thing to judge. We have Rihanna and Chris Brown, who at one point were the poster child for young, hip, love. The falacy of their love crashed and burned in front of an audience of millions. There's speculation that both of them had been violent with the other in the past - so who's to blame? Let's blame them both for being blinded by love and ignoring the signs that it was time to walk away long ago. Rarely are domestic violent episodes of this degree isolated incidents. Most likely it started with a shove, maybe a smack, maybe a choke-out or a little tussle. Nothing to write home about or that can't be forgiven when you're madly in love with someone, right? Or maybe nothing you haven't seen your own parents endure...
But then comes that one time...that one time where things go so far to the left that after the dust settles there's no turning back. He/she has hurt you so badly that you can't image ever sharing your body, mind and soul with this person ever again so you break up. (finally) But things went so left that now if you see that person in the street you mean-mug each other and keep it moving or just pretend not to see them. How sad is it that people that once craved each other...that bonded through adversity and euphoria, can't even remain civil? You're in court now pressing charges, getting restraining orders from the very person you entrusted with your life. The person you once considered your protector? I don't like the way!
So...when to walk away. It's painful when you love someone to imagine being without them. But its even more painful to endure abuse at the hands of someone you love. And no, not all relationships are ruined by domestic violence, but in my opinion that's just one of the worst things that can happen as a result of just hanging on too long to someone that's not worthy.
#1 - He/She tries to assasinate your character. For instance, I'm an author which leaves me vulnerable to critism from strangers. A man could easily break me down mentally by saying "You think you're all that because you're an author. That's nothing. And what you write is just stupid relationship stuff, nothing special." (thems fighting words)
#2 - He/She tries to control what you wear, what you do and with whom.
#3 - He/She doesn't like when others make you happy. They don't want to hear stories about the FedEx guy that told a funny joke that morning or the new assistant in the office that orders the healthy snacks you like. They want to be the only person that brings you joy. You find yourself not sharing certain parts of your day because you don't want to get them started.
#4 - He/She tries to make you into someone you aren't. There's a fine line between trying to get someone to step outside their box and trying to make them into what you wish they were.
#5 - You find yourself falling off. You used to enjoy weekly manicures and pedicures, got your hair done every two weeks faithfully, worked out and dressed like a diva. Now you're gaining weight, you're hair is a mess and breaking off, nails a wreck. The person you are with is downgrading you. You need to reassess!
Check out this video, it's long but the information you learn may save a life or a soul...
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aww kai. this was a nice blog. too bad its taking forever for that video to load and im losing paitence! but like many young women, domestic violence seems all around me. My friends getting into scuffles with their boyfriends and then ending up having make-up sex in which they find to be so cute. although its really not and its truely saddening. I know for me personally speaking, I would be able to walk away at the point of violence. My parents fight like cats and dogs, it makes me sick to my stomach to hear about domestic violence or even see it. But if these women keep allowing the same abusive men back into their lives, what can a bystander possibly do?
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It's so alarming the number of young teens and women who are in abusive relationships. There's nothing "cute" about abuse. I know we hear it all the time "If he/she loved you then s/he wouldn't hit you," and I believe there is truth to this statement. I've heard that it's never easy to walk away, but when is enough just enough. Michael Baisden did a show earlier this week on this topic and a woman called into the show from the driveway of her house still in her car with her children scared to go inside her own home because of what awaited her inside. Life shouldn't be that way under any circumstance. No woman or man should have to feel scared or that their lives are in jeopardy for the sake of "love."
ReplyDelete~Kamilah