Broke mentality

Have you ever been broke? Being broke is quite subjective. I once worked at a restaurant and me and this other girl were in the dressing room putting on our uniforms and she was crying. "What's wrong?" I asked her. "I'm so broke," she replied. The bitch girl went on to say "I like to pay double on my car note and this month I can't."

I have a close friend who once said she was broke because she usually puts her entire second check (gets paid 1st and 15th) in savings and couldn't that month. (gag)

For some people being broke means having $25 until pay day the following week. Ok, I'd agree that probably doesn't feel good.

For me...my broke...my broke is being six months pregnant with my first child, shacking up with my first deadbeat unemployed live-in boyfriend and only having enough money to pay the rent. No credit card bills, car notes, or even groceries. At the time I worked at a restaurant that fed us a meal before the evening shift started and many, many times that would be my pregnant self's only meal for the day. We were BROKE. At the time I was too stupid and prideful to ask my parents for help.

Those times are far behind me and now I can say that financially I am very blessed. But I still have a "broke mentality". I have such a fear of being broke again that I find it hard to part with certain clothing and shoes. I know that God giveth and he taketh away too! So I feel like if tomorrow comes and we're without income those faded jeans or linty sweater or runover shoes will come in handy!

My husband is trying to snap me out of this thought process. He's the money man. He budgets our money and puts away money for the kids and in our savings. (if it were up to me, I'd spend every dime we made before it hit the bank!) So we (he) have a new rule: Whenever I buy a new pair of shoes I have to get rid of an old pair. (It hurts my soul to do this) Baby steps.

I know one thing: Being broke is not fun.

Turbulent Times

Those of you close to me know that there have been life changing circumstances in my life that have had me not quite myself lately! I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and dammit I have a new book out! "My Husband's Fiancee" was released on Oct. 20th and its thankfully getting really good reviews and selling well!!! I've written the first three chapters to the sequel to "Take it There" and for the first time in a few months - I'm writing a blog!! It's been a ROUGH three months, but it's time to get back to work!

This brings me around to the topic of strength and being grateful for what you have. For the last three months my life has literally been turned upside down. I dealt with the death of my aunt who left behind several minor children to be taken care of. Between my husband and I, my mother and my grandmother we've managed to keep four brothers close together and in safe, happy homes. Thank God for that.

I keep hearing "What you are doing is so great," "you are a saint," "those boys are lucky to have family like you guys." But honestly most days its a thankless, daunting task that feels as far from "good" as anything can get. At the end of the day, I'm doing what God has called me to do out of love for my aunt and knowing that if something were to happen to me my closest family members would step up and do the same for my children.

When it was just me, my husband and our two kids I would complain. I'd complain that having two kids has changed the game. I was so overwhelmed and felt I never had a moment to myself. Well, now that my household went from four people to nine in the blink of an eye, I realize I was so ungrateful before. If I thought I was overwhelmed THEN?? Back then I would've never thought I could handle another four kids in the house...but I am. I'm doing it. I'm stronger than I thought!! (My mom has also moved into the house temporarily and my husband helps too, but even so...its a lot on ALL of us)

I am so thankful today to have such a wonderful and supportive family. I'm thankful for my children and my little cousins. I'm thankful for the opportunity to get to know them better too! I love them very much.

But, back to business!!

I love you Auntie Niki

My aunt Niki was the cool, young aunt that I could ask anything. I remember her teaching me the "wop" and the "snake" back in the day when she came to visit my mother and I in Germany. I hated when she braided my hair because she was so heavy-handed, but I loved her hairstyles, especially when she'd put the heart shaped beads on the ends. She's one of the few family members that still called me "KK" just like when I was a little girl :-) Unfortunately and suddenly Auntie Niki had to leave us. I had the honor of writing her obituary. I love you Auntie Niki RIP!

Her Life: A Labor of Love

Yes, life is a tumultuous, yet rewarding journey. Ndanika (Niki) Brown arrived on January 19, 1969 to Maurice A. Bowen and Alma V. Brown. She was baptized at The Historic Charles Street A.M.E Church as a young child.

The early part of Niki’s life was spent securing her urban socialite status as the life of the party of fashion innovator. She attended the Woodrow Wilson middle School and East Boston High.

Soon after graduating high school she married Deross Bolden and enlisted in the United States Navy, earning The National Defense Service Metal before being honorably discharged in 1992.

She wore many titles from student to officer to budding entrepreneur during these times but her life’s crowning achievement has been bringing life into the world.

Her children: Deoria, Daedre, Ainsley, Darryl, Devonte, Avery (deceased) and Abijah are the achievements she’s most proud of.

Though motherhood seemed to temporarily detour her from her entrepreneurial pursuits, she bought her motivational and organizational talents into her home. Handwritten signs can be found all around her home asking to please remove your shoes before entering and to please hang your coat neatly. The millionaire’s creed hangs prominently in her kitchen for all to see. In her office you can find her handwritten ABC’s to achieve your dreams.

Ndanika’s generosity often extended beyond her children and immediate family. She didn’t ponder extending a hand when someone was in need, to her it was automatic. She gave even when there was nothing to give. She loved slow Sundays, reading, shopping, dancing, TAE-BO, braiding hair, drawing and playing family games.

Not one to mince her words, she would speak her mind even if it meant losing a valued friendship. But with Ndanika the friendships wouldn’t be lost long; she fought hard but loved harder. Always remembering to call and wish her friends and family members a “Happy Birthday” during turbulent times and peaceful ones just the same. That was just…just, Niki…

Ndanika peacefully and quietly departed on Wednesday August 19th 2009. Leaving a legacy of vividly told stories that will never be forgotten, beautiful children that will carry on her strength and tenacity, and contagious energy.

She leaves to mourn her passing her parents, children, her siblings and a host of family and friends.

My Husband's Fiancée - Sneak Peek!

Officially my third novel, "My Husband's Fiancée," will be released on October 20th but if you don't know by now, my publisher is offering a pre-order special where you'll receive a 20% discount and free shipping! You must order from my website though so here's the link: www.kairadenee.com/husband

(PS - Please excuse the formatting. I tried to indent the paragraphs but the formatting is not saving. what-evs..)


This is an exclusive sneak peek for all my blog followers! Here's the prologue:

Although Tangie sauntered only a few steps behind her fiancé and his wife he still hadn’t seen her. The couple walked hand in hand and couldn’t have looked happier. Their happiness wasn’t a front; their smiles were genuine.
She donned a pair of oversized Chanel sunglasses, but Tangie wasn’t in disguise. She wanted to be seen, but not until the moment was right.
Eric and Mikelah were strolling through the Trumbull Mall Christmas shopping for their 3 kids. His left hand was weighted down by bags from Toys R Us and Old Navy, while his right hand firmly grasped her delicate hand that was weighted down by a four carat diamond.
The ring Eric put on Tangie’s finger was half the size of his wife’s; just two carats. Yes, Tangie had a ring; she was no “jump off”, and Tangie meant the world to Eric.
The couple stopped in front of the GAP and decided to go in. Eric turned quickly to look over his shoulder; his sixth sense felt trouble brewing. Tangie didn’t flinch, but alas, he still didn’t see her.

Tangie pensively waited outside of the GAP. Taking a seat on the bench situated in front of the entrance, she was sure they’d see her when they exited the store. Tangie couldn’t wait for Eric to see her because they all needed to talk. This threesome relationship had to end.
Tangie wasn’t nervous as she didn’t need to be. She truly believed she hadn’t done anything wrong, and the truth was her strongest argument. Crossing her legs and arms, she sat defiantly waiting for the happy couple to emerge.
Tangie didn’t have vengeance in her heart. She didn’t want to start a fight or rub the affair in his wife’s face – besides Mikelah already knew all about her husband’s indiscretions. In her younger days, Tangie would’ve gotten grave satisfaction out of completely embarrassing Eric in front of hundreds of people in the mall. But it was a new day all she wanted was for him to choose.
Tangie was fed up with being someone’s second pick, someone’s side piece. It was only a year and a half ago that she’d been caught sleeping with her sister’s best friend’s man. Stupid her, but she believed Marcus when he said he wanted to be with her and would leave his girlfriend. Now it was Eric stringing her along. But no more, no more!
Tangie was bitter, pissed off and didn’t care if she tore their family apart any more.
She impatiently rocked back and forth waiting for Eric and Mikelah to exit the store. The aroma of pretzels and gourmet coffee began nauseating her as her stomach stirred with anxiety.
Twenty minutes passed before she spotted them coming towards her.
Laughing.
Holding hands.
So happy.
She stood up and crossed her arms over her chest preparing herself in the defensive stance.
Eric came to a sudden stop. His eyes became shaky.
Mikelah looked at him with a confused expression. Then she sized Tangie up.
Mikelah had seen pictures of Tangie before. She’d snuck into Eric’s email account and seen Tangie’s bare body in every freaky pose imaginable, but she had never seen her in person.
Eric’s eyes became slits. His life as he knew it was instantly over. He dropped Mikelah’s hand. Slowly, Tangie lowered her sunglasses and eased them off my face, exposing the shiny swell below her eye.
The women stared at each other, dumbfounded by their resemblance of one another.
Mikelah’s heart swelled as she looked back and forth between her husband and the woman standing in front of them. The fact that there were three people in her marriage had finally become real to her. Mikelah already knew, and sadly, had known for a while too.
The younger woman that stood in front of her could have been her twin. Well, ten years ago. They were the same person. Tangie represented the before; Mikelah the after.
Before Mikelah had three kids, her waistline dipped in at the top and opened up to perfectly curved hips just like woman standing in front of her. Before the kids and ten years of aging, Mikelah’s small breasts stood proudly under her sweaters just as Tangie’s small breasts were now.
The same shade of caramel covered their skin. Mikelah noticed this girl had the same slanted eyes that Eric said he loved so much about her. Her eyes were her husband’s favorite feature. Only Mikelah’s eyes now had the slightest hint of crow’s feet beginning at the corners. Tangie’s still held youth. Their hair, the same soft texture that gives away to baby hair around the edges. Mikelah’s slicked back in a tight chignon, Tangie’s hanging wildly past her shoulders.
Tangie represented everything Mikelah was before the stresses of ten years of marriage and three children crept up on her. That’s how Eric fell so hard and so easily for Tangie. He saw in Tangie the same fire that ignited in him when he met Mikelah fifteen years ago.
Mikelah was still stunning though, even through the slight wear and tear. But her beauty was mature, yet muted. Tangie’s beauty dripped loudly with sex appeal.
Mikelah finally broke the silence asking, “So, Eric, are you going to handle this?”
“Eric, please tell your wife how I got this black eye. Tell her!”
Eric stood with his mouth agape.
Tangie continued, “You have got to choose! Me or her! I’m tired of this emotional roller coaster!” Tangie’s Chanel’s shattered as she threw them to the floor and stepped closer to the couple. Tangie had begun crying uncontrollably, but she didn’t care.
“I believe he already made his choice, sweetie,” Mikelah declared as she held up her impressive wedding set in Tangie’s face.
“Oh you think so, huh?” Tangie asked incredulously. “Well what the fuck do you call this?” she yelled holding up her left hand in Mikelah’s face to display her engagement ring.
“Eric, what the hell is this? What is she talking about?” Mikelah asked, now screaming.
Eric looked for answers on the shiny floor.
“Eric!” Mikelah screamed loud enough to shatter glass. “Did you propose to her?”
Tangie stood there expectantly. Mikelah searched her husband’s face for solace.
No one was prepared when Kimberly approached the threesome. Tangie and Mikelah turned their attention to her now. Mikelah’s legs were like thousand pound weights. She was weak and wanted to faint but was anchored by the two thousand pound weights. Tangie’s body quivered. This can’t be happening, she thought. She felt defeated, ready to give up. This confrontation was not going how she pictured it.
Who the hell is this third woman?
Eric’s light skin turned red. The bags fell from his hand with a thud on the floor. Tangie and Mikelah jumped back at the loud noise. Again he looked at his wife and back to Tangie then to Kimberly; offering no explanation to any of them before he took off running like an Olympic sprinter.
Eric frantically ran through the mall weaving through the hoards of shoppers, nearly knocking down anyone in his path; leaving his lover, his wife and Kimberly with puzzled expressions.
“And who are you?” Mikelah asked. “Do you know Eric?”

www.kairadenee.com/husband

Are Separate Vacays OK?

My husband and I got into a huge blowout over this just yesterday. I want to go on a four day cruise to the Bahamas with my girlfriends but he thinks that as a married woman that's inappropriate. I see his point of view, but I'm more of a realist. He believes that there will be a lot of partying and drinking in skimpy clothes and its just plain trouble. I believe that if I wanted to cheat or be inappropriate, honey... I don't have to go to the Bahamas to do it.

So he and I had it out via text message alllll day long yesterday. Him saying that it's not the fact that I want to go away without him but because of the "way I was talking to him". Me, knowing damn well it was just purely him picturing me in my bathing suit jaunting around with a pina colada in my hand on a beach while he's home schlepping the kids around. The argument got pretty ugly. He said things to me that have never come from his mouth...ever!

When he got home from work he walked through the door with a bouquet of flowers and some warming massage oil. We made up. It's all good and I'm going on the cruise :-) But sheesh - it'll be a long time before I fix my mouth to say I'm going on vacation with the girls. Evidently that's not too cool within a marriage?! I suppose... Or maybe its just within my marriage that its not cool? Either way I have to respect his wishes. After all, not many men are equip to put up with my brand of crazy. He's a keeper :-)

Joan Rivers will f*ck you up!

I don't know if this was staged or if she really just went bonkers on these people. Either way I'm loving her diva antics. I'm choosing to believe this was a real flip-out because that brings me much more joy. :-)

RIP Michael Jackson

Like many others, I share the sorrow in the loss of a fashion and music icon, Michael Jackson. He's had an immeasurable impact on millions of people's lives for four decades. My initial thoughts on his public memorial service was that it was going to be a complete exploitation of the King. However, after viewing it on TV, I was beyond impressed with the classiness and professionalism of the service. I couldn't see sending him off any other way. If anyone deserves it -- he does. Not only because of his influence on almost every entertainer alive, but also for his massive humanitarian efforts.

If one more person thinks it appropriate to ask my why I'm mourning a child molester I think I might catch a case. If the man was never charged of a crime, why are people so quick to believe allegations? Because its sensational and easy to think that because he was a bit strange that he can do such things. If we are to believe that MJ paid them off then we need to question the integrity of these parents of the children who were allegedly victimized. If anyone molested my one of my children there is no amount of money that would make me drop the charges. Either way I don't rush to believe allegations or rumors unless there's proof. We never got the proof, but in some people's minds he's guilty. And because of this his death doesn't need to be mourned.

Schadenfreude - This is a German word that loosely translates to "finding delight in other's misfortune" particularly highly recognizable or famous people. This is why gossip magazines and blogs are all the rage right now. We love to see celebrities embarrass themselves. Love to see them caught without their makeup so we can realize how unattractive they "really" are.

I do not love to see Michael Jackson's accomplishments thrown out the window because of unfounded, allegations and rumors.

I love you Michael!!

I heart crawfish

Just got back from a trip to New Orleans. Of course we indulged in Beignets at Cafe du Monde, ate a scrumptious lunch at Muriel's (I had a seafood omelet...to die for), some Po Boys at Deanie's (I think it was called), pizza from Slice that I thought was just about the best I ever had. Oooo and Slice also had this BBQ shrimp that could totally get it! But there came that one day where I asked a random shop lady where one could find crawfish. Not restaurant crawfish, but crawfish that comes by the pound in a paper bag already seasoned to perfection. We tracked the joint down on Magazine Street....Little Big Fish or Big Little Fish I don't recall. My heart shattered ever so slightly when the dude behind the counter informed me that they were no longer serving their crawfish and we had to buy them cold. We bought 'em, but that meant a stop at Walmart to get a steel strainer to perch over boiling water to steam those joints. Yes, it was that serious.

You see, cracking open a crawfish and savoring the spicy deliciousness is not just the food junkie inside me but it also reminds me of easier times. We lived in Louisiana for two years from when I was about eleven to almost thirteen years old. We'd lay some newspaper out in the middle of the table and open up the bag of crawfish and go to town! My dad was always a clown, so we'd joke and laugh and act a fool all over a steaming pile of crawfish.

So my girl steamed the crawfish and like I used to do with my family many years ago - we went to work on those things! My friend that we'd gone to visit had her co-worker over at the time and homechick tried to convince me to suck the body cavity part for the "juice." Girl stop! It is never that serious for me. I politely snapped the little crustacean in half and ate the tail only, thankyouverymuch. Eating the first tender little spicy morsel was like an orgasm in my mouth.

It was my intention to have some sent home but I don't know how I forgot to do it! Total travesty!

I Heart Crawfish.

Pantie Shopping

I have five pair of all black cotton panties that I save for that once a month treat that leaves me bloated, emotional, tired and cranky. Then I have all these frilly thong thingies with bows and lace and hearts and ties and such in pretty pastel colors. Problem is that I find myself gravitating towards the black "panties of death" (as my husband calls them) to wear all the time. There was a time when the black panties signaled for him to stay away, now they're just in regular rotation so he can't keep up. They're sooooo comfy! I'm at the point where my comfort level is a priority on a day to day basis. The frillies are for outfits that require no pantie line or for nights/days when sexy-time is imminent.

So I figured I needed to step my game up, like ASAP. Went pantie shopping this weekend and bought what I thought were a great solution to my comfort needs while not totally foregoing the sexiness. Got a handful of boy shorts with all the pastel, lacy details that should send a clear signal to my husband that it is ok to proceed...

Washed them all on Sunday and wore the first pair yesterday! They were this soft nylon/spandex material with lace around the edges. I put them on and immediately felt I'd nailed it. I found the perfect pair of comfortable yet sexy panties!!

The evening came. My husband was laying on the bed waiting for me to change and join him. Stripped down to my panties that I was so proud of and he yells. <--- yells:

"Those are ugly. I hate that color. Mooooo!!" <--- not boooo as in I don't like them, but Moooo as in the sound a fucking cow makes.

My mouth fell open, felt my cheeks tingle and I said, "Awww." (that's all I could come up with)

He says, "I hate those. Take them off. Yuck. Mooooo!"

I try to defend my new panties by saying "Touch them they're so soft. You'll love the way they feel."

He refused to touch them. He also refused to touch me when I laid in the bed with them on. And so I refused to take them off. There was no sexy-time to be had last night.

*My husband is generally a kind, gentle man so when he acts a fool like he did last night, its usually for good reason. So maybe I didn't nail the balance of comfy/sexy like I thought I had. Back to the drawing board I guess...(but in the meantime I will revel in my new fav panties and wear them as often as I want :)

Random ish, just sharing...

I've been really bored lately. I'm supposed to be working on my fourth manuscript to stay ahead of the game but haven't written a word. I'm supposed to be updating this blog at least twice a week...eh well you know that hasn't been the case. Boredom drives me to find enjoyment in being a voyeur into other people's lives via facebook, myspace, and my celeb gossip sites.

Now my bored isn't the traditional meaning of bored. My life is insanely busy and I get very little down time to actually "feel" bored. I guess I mean, uninspired. I've been really uninspired lately.

My fourth manuscript is (for now) the sequel to my first novel, "Take it There," but I'm so much older now than I was when I wrote those characters it's going to be a big challenge. I want to re-read the book but I HATE READING MY OWN WRITING. I just cringe at the thought, especially with that book. All I can do is think about a better word I could've used or a better metaphor. I often find myself rolling my eyes and mentally bitch slapping myself at some the material. Why did I say that like that? Why did I say that at all? What was I thinking?

Aside from that I have a girl's trip to New Orleans next week that I am so anxious about that I just can't stand it! Maybe once I get the trip behind me I'll be able to get back at it?

Oh wow and not to mention that we just converted our two family house into a one family so we've taken on 50% more house and that's been a BIOTCH. Knocked down a few walls, did some paint changes. Keeping this bigger house clean is a task and we have a few more rooms now to buy furniture for. I now have an office but my hubby's still building my computer so I don't use it yet. It's *lovely* though. I had it painted a bluish/green and tan so it reminds me of the beach and sand in the Caribbean. Maybe I'll post pics when it's all decorated and workable.

My daughter and I are two weeks into our hair growth regimen and I'm so proud I've stuck with it! (two weeks is a big feat for me :-) Pathetic.

I've also been dieting and working out on a regular basis for the last month or so. Which to me is the equivalent of being sent to hell with a huge Jesus piece around my neck. But I'm seeing progress so it feels sooooo good :-) 17 pounds lost in the last year and counting...

Well, it was nice talking to you. Blogs coming more often!

So You Caught Your Partner Cheating...Part Two

I'm not talking about intuition, suspicious behavior...none of that. You straight up know for a fact that your partner has or is cheating on you. You know this person's name and you got their number from your partner's phone. Going forward I'm just going to refer to "your partner" as "your man" instead. Not to exclude anyone but feel henceforth to insert whateverthehell you want, but "your man" just flows better for me for some reason. LOL. Now, you may find my steps drawn out and bit melodramatic but there's a method to my madness.

So you have the info. It's imperative that you keep it to yourself for two to three days. To yourself... meaning don't tell your friends, your mother, your co-workers and especially not your man. It will be hard to act like nothings wrong but when he/they/she asks "What's wrong with you?" just blame it on a bad migraine, cramps, "that bitch at work"...whatever. But don't give any clues about what's really bugging you. The last thing you need is your friends filling your head up with "you should leave him, i would put his ass out, come stay with me for a while..." You need to let the infidelity marinate for two or three days.

Now...it's decision time. Before you even confront anyone or tell anyone you need to know what you want to come of this. You need to be 100% sure if you want to stay or if you want to go. This will determine later on how you confront him. Either way, he needs to be confronted. But not any time soon...you still have work to do.

Next you do your research. No, you cannot call the chick and say "Hi, this is Eric's girlfriend. I'm just calling 'cause I know you two have been seeing each other." First of all, either she knows about you and just doesn't care or she's too dumb to have realized the person she was screwing is spoken for already. Either way you're not going to get the info you called her for. If she had wanted to come clean about the affair - she would've called you. If you have her name, google her, look her up on whitepages.com, see if she's on facebook and myspace. Get as much info as you can on this person. Ideally, you can copy and paste her pic off a social network and email it to yourself. Now...you have the info you need on her.

Now its time for some trickery. You know beyond the nth degree that this is the "other woman". But to be completely sure, NOW YOU CALL THE BITCH. But you've gotta use trickery. Here's the script: "Hi, this is Mary calling from Pro Flowers. I have a flower delivery for you from Eric Smith. My driver is in your neighborhood and can't find your door." If you don't have the heart for such trickery then...eff it... tell your closest friend your dilemma and have her make the call. Now either she'll comply and give you step by step directions to her door or she'll say "I don't know any Eric Smith." But listen to her tone if she tries to deny knowing him. The bitch could be lying. (This is another reason why you can't let your man know your suspicious of him. Then he has time to school his side chick that possible trickery is imminent.)

If the flower delivery phone call goes well, then you have it! You've marinated on the situation with no outside influences, you've done your research and know its true: he's cheating. You've also decided that A) You still love him and don't want to be without him. You'll forgive him and you'll move past this together. or B) You're out of there no matter what he says or does.

Before I move on to the confrontation, I guess the quick and dirty way of catching your man cheating would be to follow him. I don't agree with following him around and trying to catch them together. Here's why... you'll roll up on them all lovey-dovey and he will turn on that chick so quick it'll make your head spin. "She don't mean nothing to me" etc. etc. This also opens up the floodgates for an emotionally charged scene that could end up physical. You slap him, she slaps you, now you're missing work because you gotta meet with your probation officer or to do your community service. I think not.

Now its time to confront him. If you have kids, drop them off somewhere for a few hours. Just in case it gets ugly, they need not be around. Don't give him time to think by saying "Who's Tasha?" Oh nooo... You should say "I happen to know that you're sleeping with Tasha Arnold who lives on the West Side, works at Xerox." (you know... drop any and all info you obtained from your internet search) Nine times outta ten he'll try to deny it but with all that info you just dropped on his ass, how can he? Hopefully his mouth just drops and he can't find anything to say so then you can advise him of your decision.

If you want to stay say something like "While this hurts me tremendously, I still love you and want to work through this." If you want to go or want him to leave, say just that so there's no grey area.

Now you ask: Why go through all these shenanigans if I already know I want to be with him still or I've already decided I'm out? Because men have a way of making you second guess yourself. They will lay that flim-flam on so heavy he'll have you thinking you did wrong for being suspicious of him. Have you feeling like that's the reason he strayed, because of your "crazy ass". Have you thinking "Maybe I was wrong for prying?" Man, listen. If you follow my steps you won't get flim-flammed and the decision to stay or go will be based upon the facts at hand. Furthermore, the decision will be yours (uninfluenced) to make and not based on an emotional fit.

Now, with that said, do you have any funny examples of lies a guy/girl has told you when you caught them cheating? Or just funny cheating stories period? Let's share...

Hair Care

So I just joined this hair care forum and decided for the next six months I will be dedicated to taking great care of me and my daughter's hair. If I start seeing results (longer, thicker hair) then I will share the steps I take with you! So...I'll post monthly updates with product reviews and pictures of the progress, starting this weekend! I'm so excited! Hopefully this will end my love/hate relationships with weave once and for all.

*Kai*

PS - I've been trackless since the end of April now :-)

Martin and Gina

I never thought I'd be sitting here crying while watching one of the most funny shows ever made. But I'm just sitting here wondering, Why did this show ever have to end?

Well I guess we all know why, but I don't want to think about that right now. All I want to do is wallow in my misery. I just got done watching the episode where they broke up over Gina's bad Valentine's gift. Remember that statue of the booty? Martin pretends to like it the night before but around Tommy and Cole he tries to act brand new and teases her about the gift. Gina says Martin's mom has a mustache. Then Martin says Gina's dad's ass is so tight he could back into a brick wall and suck out a brick. Man...good times. Then Gina says something to the affect of that's your ignorant opinion, but your mother's mustache...now that's a fact! Then she snaps her fingers and high-fives Pam.

What surprises me is that this show aired fifteen years ago and I can still recite lines word for word! But alas, all I can do is be sad right now. There hasn't been a show since that can compare! Remember though, right before the show ended there were those strange episodes where Martin and Gina weren't in any scenes together and Martin just looked sad and defeated? Why the hell did they even have to air those miserable episodes? Why?

Martin and Gina...my favorite TV couple ever...hands down. Oooo and yesterday I watched the episode with Ms. Trinidad!! The end scene still gives me chills when Ms. Trinidad tells Martin "I know you want me." and Gina says, "No bitch I want you." HA. And then she takes off her earrings and pulls out her sneakers and vaseline. Timeless.

I feel like a lot of shows with all Black casts these days are so corny and buffooneryish. While Martin had its share of pure foolishness, there's no denying Martin's comedic genius!

Kudos to TV One for bringing good Black shows back. And honorable mention goes to Living Single too. But it can't touch Marty-Mar.

Drake, the phenomenon

This is not, nor will it ever be a blog about celeb gossip. Don't get me wrong, I'm a HUGE celebrity gossip whore, but I just can't be bothered with keeping up with it all enough to report on it. But if there's someone who inspires me, I shall blog.

Case in point, my sis and I had a hilarious conversation about Drake. Well, I didn't get many words in because she was going nuts! I don't have a very strong opinion about Drake. I do happen to like his songs that I hear but I'm sure I would enjoy him more without alllllll the hype surrounding him. So, I was talking (and by talking I mean IM'ing) to my sister who happens to be out of the country at the moment and she asked "Do you know this Drake dude?" I say yes. Since she's not in the US she asks about his buzz. I proceed to tell her what I've heard, including "There hasn't been an artist this impactful since 50 Cent hit the scene." Her rant was hilarious and I shall post it here. Remember these are her views, not mine. But I do find great enjoyment in laughing at this:

my sis: (12:03:17 PM) i'm not a huge fan of heavy use of the N word anyway, but i'm especially bothered by it when drake says it (12:04:16 PM): he's riding a thin line with his high yellow skin and soft wavy "nice" hair that just screams i'm half white
(12:04:48 PM): on top of the fact that i know his background and his parents were divorced when he was 5 and he was raised by his white jewish mother in an upper class jewish neighborhood in canada
(12:05:25 PM): so it rubs me the wrong way to hear how entitled he feels to throwing it around
ME: (12:05:46 PM): lmao...this is still as enjoyable...keep going
(12:06:37 PM): especially in this one song where a few lines later he mentions his jewish aunt and throws out a "mausle tauf" (or however u spell that jewish phrase for congratulations)...its just not okay with
(12:06:38 PM): me
(12:07:10 PM): not to mention there's something about his whole overall image that just doesn't sit well with me
(12:07:19 PM): its all well and fine if u want to be a rapper
(12:08:18 PM): but there's something so counterintuitive about his ridiculously metro sexual pretty boy image
(12:08:21 PM): and background for that matter
(12:08:50 PM): he came off that show degrassi...where if u look at what he looked like then u might just straight up wonder if he was gay...cuz i did
(12:09:02 PM): again, if u wanna be a metrosexual maybe even gay rapper, more power to u
(12:09:03 PM): BUT
(12:09:11 PM): i just can't bring myself to understand what the hype about him is
(12:10:48 PM): it seems to me that if u'd have to be an exceptionally talented somebody to get the world to embrace u in spite of ur high yellow skin, wavy "nice hair, rich jewish background and raising, AND metroxeual as idk what BUT N-word using, hard sounding image and presentation
(12:11:11 PM): and yet...his skills are but mediocre
ME: (12:11:17 PM): haha - ur all riled up again... teehee
(12:11:33 PM): and he's not bringing anything new to the table
(12:12:04 PM): yeah yeah u made it to the top, ur making money, ur getting girls ur living the life in the limelight...so is everybody else and their mother
(12:13:28 PM): u want me to make a big deal out of u inspite of ur less than a turn on of an image, i need u to show me and the rest of the world something different, somethiing that blows our minds cuz its so beyond what we could have expected or imagined
(12:13:43 PM): drake doesn't do that for me, so everyone should stop all this hooplah about him
(12:13:44 PM): that is all
(12:13:51 PM): and yes, i'm annoyed by him all over again

She's very long winded, but her rants (which are frequent) crack me up!

So You Caught Your Partner Cheating...Part One

Never saw or heard of the show Jon and Kate plus 8 until Jon decided to step out on his wife (and mother of his eight kids) with some chick. Now they're plastered all over the web and I can't turn on the TV without hearing something about these two. So it got me to thinking...what would I do if I caught my husband out there with another woman? Would I leave him? The simple answer is NO. But that's based upon knowing very little about the situation. I'd want to ask him: Who is she? How long have you known her? Where'd you meet her? What does she look like? What's her name? Where does she live? How old is she? and on and on and on... But then again knowing all that would just add salt to the wounds. I went back and forth with myself weighing my husband's pros and cons and came up with a list of questions I'd ask myself (or him) if ever faced with infidelity.

#1 - GOTTA KNOW...who was it? Yes it will hurt but dammit I need to know was it just some random chick you met at the bar and you slipped up? Or was it your baby momma and every time you go get your son you two are jumping off? Is it a chick at work because if so you're going to need to put in your two weeks notice ASAP! I need to know in what context you know this person!

#2 - How will us separating effect me financially and physically? We have two kids. Will I be able to afford to live without his paycheck? If the answer is yes, then will I have any type of quality of life without him around to share my load?

#3 - Will this matter in twenty years? Yes the wounds from his cheating will hurt for a very long time and things may never get back to where they were before the betrayal, but twenty years from now will I look back and regret leaving him? If he had sex with my best friend, I probably won't regret it. But if it was a one time thing with a co-worker, after twenty years of making it up to me I think I'll be ok.

#4 - Did you use protection? Either way, I'm going to get checked out. But if the answer is no, they didn't use protection...he'd better duck fast. It makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it!

#5 - Does this one bad erase all the good he's done for me? Really? Or does this one bad just add to the list of bad ish he's done over the years and now I've had enough?

I would HATE to actually be forced with this situation though. Yes, I've been cheated on in past relationships but those were just boyfriends. I'ze married now... changes the game entirely. Hasty decisions just lead to emotionally charged changes that are so unnecessary. Why kick him out if a week later I'm just going to let him back in?

**Part Two will explore the options should you decide to stay. To include: cutting his dick off, not an option. Calling the other female, not an option...

FYI...I'm not well

I just didn't want my blog followers to think I'm slackin' on my pimpin'. I'm just sick as hell!! But I'm halfway on the road to recovery! I guess its just a common cold/ear infection/sinus infection type thing but I don't like the way its draaaaging on all week like this. I hope I'm better to enjoy this nice patch of weather that's supposed to continue on through the weekend :-) Also, my newly designed, fabulous website is just about done and I can't wait for you to see it! I can't believe I'm still up in this state at this hour. My eyes are burning, my nose is running, my throat is on fire.

Until next time,

~K

Oldest biddies in the club...

The night started off ever so lovely. Me and four of my friends went to a spoken word event at a restaurant. Food was great, ambience was funky and soulful, the talent was unparralleled.

**Side bar sign of the times** Three out of the five of us had our phones on the table facebooking/tweeting during the show. I updated my status on FB about something funny my friend at the table said and told her "Go look at my status"...she did. And then she said "Go look at my comment to your status." WTF is wrong with people when instead of saying it to one another and sharing a laugh we must do so online publicly? What kind of self absorbed pseudo celebrity assholes are we?

Anyways...so the show ends and one of my brilliant friends suggests we go to a club around the corner. "It's hood," she says. "But we always make the best of any situation."

We get there and there's a line. From the line I spot about two infractions that tell me this is not somewhere that I should be. #1 - A girl was wearing Timberland's... #2 - A girl was wearing baggy jean capris and high top Converses.

We get inside, the DJ's doing his thing so I'm like - stop being so siddity and enjoy yourself. Until I got frisked... the chick stuck her finger into my shirt, down between my breasts and wiggled all around my boobie area . What you lookin' for... a shank? Get me the eff outta here!! Alright then we had this girl that was dancing by herself kinda behind us. Clearly she was toasted but looked so cute in her button down shirt dress. I even made a comment about it to my girlfriend. Until "She Got a Donk" came on and the bish pulls her dress UP and starts wiggling her ass and dropping it like its hot in her boy short panties. ---->We moved to the other side of the dancefloor after those antics.

That was the exact moment when I felt like we were the oldest biddies in the club. There was a time where I wouldn't have noticed the Timberlands and the Converses. Would've felt comforted by the extensive body search. Would've enjoyed a hearty laugh at the girl hoisting up her dress. (Hell, I might've been the girl hoisting up her dress) But not anymore. All the nonsense just made me wish I was on my couch under a blanket watching HGTV.

1st movie I've wanted to see this year: Precious

Wow...this movie looks great! I almost cried just watching the clip. *Hi Mrs. Nick Cannon* I see your acting skills have been sharpened.

"In Her Mind" by: Renee Daniel Flagler

Last Friday I attended fellow author, Renee Daniel Flagler's dramatized reading of her latest novel "In Her Mind." The reading was sick! It was like a mini play that left the audience salivating for more! I picked up my copy that night and can't wait to read it! Click here to order your copy today!

Top five turn offs...

There are a few things that will not get your number in my phone. (Well actually I'm too passive aggressive to just not take someone's number. I'd put the number in and then delete it in the ladies room a lil later.)

I need you to put that where? Back there... if you:

5. Have on sandals - over 40 years old this does not apply to you. Under 40 please get it together! There's a time and a place for everything and if we are not on a Caribbean beach somewhere you need not be wearing sandals, sir. I mean, in general men's feet are just not for showcasing.

4. Have on overly decorated shoes - I can't... Your shoes can't have more going on than mine! The pointed toe, the buckle upon buckle, the gator texture here, smooth leather there. I...can't.

3. Have on shades - I do find that there are certain sunglasses that are fitting for a man and actually look quite nice. But I find them few and far between. Most times it just adds a femininity to your look that I can't quite appreciate just yet.

2. Can't dance - Now this is a tricky one because there's something borderline feminine with a dancing-ass man. But on the other hand I like a man that's semi proficient in dancing. But I find that if you don't know how to dance a swaggerfull two-step works just as well. It bothers me when a man has no rhythm but it doesn't stop him from jamming the loudest and proudest. Stay in your lane please.

1. Have long nails - I...just...can't. Self explanatory, no?

Do you agree? What did I miss?!

First Date Sex

Is sex on the first date a case-by-case ruling? A definite no-no. Or hell yeah if the sparks are flying?

I would say a definite no-no because you don't know this person. There's the scariness of an STD, the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy and just too many unknowns to share your most prized possession -- your body -- with someone you know little about. I would say this with conviction and then I'd also tell you about my pink unicorn that grants me three wishes a day and sleeps under my bed at night to protect me from bad dreams. That ish is for the birds!

I think it's most definitely a case by case ruling. And hell... under the guise of "shoot, we're grown" or "Blame it on the alcohol" you have two great excuses to tell your girlfriend when you call from your cell phone as you do the walk of shame to your car the next morning. Generally, I don't think its a good idea, but ish happens and people have needs and urges that sometimes need to be acted on without thinking about the repercussions. But we do have to use protection every time, no exceptions.


Another factor that influences my case by case rule is the internet. Oftentimes couples/people meet online and speak for a while before actually meeting face to face. Their likes, dislikes, jokes, adventures are shared well before actually meeting in person. So this situation is sticky!


Then there's those times when you know immediately that this person is not boyfriend material, but you can't help but fantasize about him bending you over and......... You can sense his intentions with you are merely sexual as well. This is a mutually beneficial situation; he gets what he wants and you get a nice romp in the hay without feeling like you've been conned out of your panties. But then again...what if its good....what if its REAL good? Now you want more, he wants more, somebody wants more than just that one night? Now you got stars in your eyes wondering if maybe he could be boyfriend material.

Eh...don't do it, its messy. But if you must, just protect yourself!

But did you hear Trey Songz's "First Date Sex"?! He sings it to the tune of Jermih's "Birthday Sex". "Girl you gon' cry..ah ah ah... Tears from your eye..ah ah ah." Hmmm...I don't like the way!! Obvs if I were single, he'd definitely and for sure be my exception to the no sex on the first date rule... Who would be yours?

Supporting our own...

Check out this blog from Torrian Ferguson about black owned book stores and distributors. I get the feeling that this issue hurts his heart. It's definitely not coming from a place of resentment because besides the poor business practices of some...he's persevered as an Essence best selling author, he's the former host of a wildly popular blogtalk radio show and now has launched his own publishing company, Anexander Books. I think he raises some very valid, very frustrating and sad points. Enjoy!

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=117249410&blogId=487248479

Mrs. Organized -- that's me.

LMAO - anyone who knows me is probably laughing so hard that they can't breathe. No, I'm not organized but I'm trying to be. I say all the time that I value my sleep and quality time with my family too much to be organized. But I'm finding that as my responsibilities increase, I can't deal with being unorganized anymore. I need to get it together...like yesterday. So I googled "how to get organized" and came up with some good pointers that I plan on implementing for myself and hopefully may help someone else. Also, I had to put my own little twist on them to make the pointers work for me :-) I'm not trying to move mountains, just small changes that'll help me deal.

• Make a to-do list - Duh...but make the list in threes. This way the list appears more attainable and less intimidating. Accomplishing the first three tasks will be great motivation to make another list and get it done!



• Multi-task - Wash the dishes while talking on the phone with that person you've been meaning to call since forever. Fold clothes while listening/watching a webinar. You get the picture.



• Delegate - Don't be afraid to ask for help! But make sure the person you're asking is capable of carrying out the task without making more work for you in the end.

Three...that's all my system can handle at once. Oh - an honorary mention comes from my mother: If you have an appointment, whether it be hair, nails, doctor or dentist, try to schedule yourself as the first appointment of the day. You know how long the wait can be at these places!! If you're the first in the door you don't have to worry about delays and can get on with the rest of your day!

I love these two!

Love it when Hollywood couples don't hide under the cloak of "we're just friends". They're out, they're in love, and I don't like the way they are both ridiculously beautiful! I'd marry either one.

That's all...

~K

Thick gets the D, skinny gets the ring?

Hmmm...I'm noticing a pattern. While the image we see in rap and r&b videos have women with phat azzes, tig ol biddies, thick thighs and all that, in real life these are not the women the rappers and singers choose to be with. And by "be with", I mean, wife-up, not sleep with. Here are a couple of case studies...Diddy and Kim Porter/Cassie....Kanye and Alexis, Ryan Leslie and Chanel Iman, Nick Cannon and Selita Banks/Mariah (although Mariah's now putting on a little happy weight now). It seems as if these men prefer less curvier, modelesque women in their real lives but and leave the voluptuous women as eye candy for TV. Do the skinny and sexy women get the ring and the thick and delicious just get the D? (in celebrity world, that is)

So I asked my facebook women friends, which body type they'd prefer: video vixen or modelesque. Got no responses from women. Notta one. I once read that the most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said... I took the women's non-response as A) preferring neither body type but comfortable somewhere in between, or B) too proud to admit they'd prefer a body type other than what they have. I'm going with B...and I'll go ahead and weigh in on my preference. My current body type leans on the video vixen side minus, the huge azz... I think I'd prefer the model body though, that way I can eat what I want and gain a little if necessary. Being on the thicker side I find my life's too busy to put the dedication into losing weight. Gaining weight would be fun!!

Now, I did get one response on facebook... from a male...and I quote "models are too skinny vixens all the way...lol". Hmmmm...

Social Networking...Young girls, why?

Twenty years old and under, I'm talking about you. Anyone older than 20, and you're still messy on the internet, oh well, you're grown. It's the younger ones, the ones that turn eighteen and can finally say "I'm grown." A) you're legal, not grown and B) if you have to say "I'm grown!" you're still a little girl.

Young ladies, you are setting yourselves up for failure! How can I talk? Because I was a messy, under-educated, over-opinionated, over-developed teen myself. (and I still have my messy moments) But despite my mother's advice, I had to learn everything my way. What the hell does she know? I thought. I'm not her and it's not the seventies anymore. Things are different now.

Same shit, different decade -- the game doesn't change, just the players. And now the players live out their lives publicly on social networking sites.

Get over yourself! You think you're looking so grown up or maybe you feel you're just "doing you." But you don't... and you're not. You're a walking, talking stereotype. Everything you do and say is so textbook. So predictable.

You get back what you put out there... The package that I see a majority of you youngins putting out there for the world to see via facebook and myspace is concerning. You post pictures on these websites dressed like video hoes, commenting on how fucked up you were that night. In those "getting to know you" surveys that go around you take every opportunity to exploit how much you love sex. Blech. We get it -- you're grown. (and sexy even) Then the facebook statuses...so much energy wasted on putting on blast your failed relationships with men. Your disappointment with men. Your anger about their cheating ways.

Take a step back and realize what it is that you're putting out there. Your facebook/myspace pages scream that your this overtly sexy person who's the life of the party that likes to get high and drunk. Translation: You are not girlfriend material. Ass. And this is not limited to just your online representation, these pics that were taken happened in real life too. Only God knows what happened that wasn't photographed. And then you wonder where the real "men" are and why you're always getting cheated on? A real man knows a real woman when he sees her. You, my dear are not that.

To be fair, (well, try to be), some people's online persona is just one facet of their personality. You have some straight A, highly intelligent, highly motivated, youngins that post these partying pics too. Fine, I get that. Bravo to you. (no sarcasm there) Just be careful because you're going to be judged right along with those truly messy girls just the same. First impressions stick.

You ever heard Mary J. Blige's song "Grown Woman?". Take a listen... Put it on your IPOD ASAP.

"I wear these Seven jeans but baby they don't wear me

I keep it covered up, uh Cause I'm a lady

I know how to show a little somethin, somethin

You can't see what's under there Cause I'm a grown woman

I'm so sexy...Remain a mystery...Cause everybody always want what they can't see

And what they can't have, and what they can't grab, and what they can't buy, and baby that's me!"

*****And while you're at it put Lyfe Jennings' "S.E.X" on your IPOD too. Thanks.

Weekend recap

Sometimes I'm in denial about the weight I've gained over the years... until I see pictures. I get dressed up and feel like a diva supreme, no weight insecurities. If I do say so myself, I hide my flaws very well. Until the night is over and I go home to review the pics that I take with my thinner friends and then the reality of my weight gain bashes me in the face like a pillow case stuffed with bricks and half the pictures end up getting deleted. Oh, but not this weekend. Didn't have to wait to get home and review the pics...I'm walking through the dance floor and this girl that I recognize from high school walks up to me and says "Do you remember me?" I say "Of course! How are you?" We hug. She gives me the once over and says with complete sincerity and innocence. "Wow you've put on some weight." Pause.

Yes she said it and I was mortified and felt as insecure as I have in years. But blame it on the alcohol that I was able to continue the night dancing and ki-ki'ing it up with my friends despite the reminder of the weight I've gained since high school, which to be exact is 50 pounds. I awkwardly admitted to her,"Yes, yes I have gained weight," And then I graciously said, "I'm trying to get like you because you still look great." Smile and walk away. Smile and walk away.

Was I offended, no...I really don't think she was trying to be rude. But dayum...

Anyways, that was Friday night on a midnight boat ride I attended. It was a different/fun time but I was mad they didn't have my Zinfandel on deck. In my old age I cannot mess with alcohol anymore, and my taste buds are too immature to appreciate Chardonnay's and Pinot Grigio's and such so I depend on the sweet wine goodness that is White Zinfandel. So when the bartender told me it wasn't happening -- I had raspberry vodka and sprite (my drink of choice when my younger body could handle it). After one cup of that I realized the night would not end well if I continued down that road. So my girls and I got a bottle of Moet Rose, which I'd never had and must say I quite enjoyed :-) It would've made sense to stop after that bottle was done, but noooo. For some reason unknown to me still, my friend was begging her male friend from back in the day to buy me another drink because he had just bought her one...First of all, I had my own money, second of all I was tipsy enough and didn't need anything, and third I didn't even know this guy! I drank the Malibu and Cranberry down like Kool-Aid because I was thirsty more than anything else. And. That. Put. Me. Over. The. Edge. Luckily it was just about time to go home so I spared myself any embarrassing antics. (I think...I hope) Was a little shaky the next morning but I was able to shake a hangover with Aleve and lots and lots of water.

Sunday I finally cleaned my house and got a newsletter out about my new book. In retrospect, nothing really blog worthy happened this weekend other than the girl graciously pointing out my weight gain (in case I'd forgotten or didn't realize)...but once I got started on that my fingers wouldn't stop.

Can I just add... since I'm not single and out the game, it really doesn't matter, but while I'm at it... I think men need to step their game up. All night, I danced with my girlfriends, no guys approached, no guys bought drinks, but on the way out we're getting our arms grabbed, complimented, asked to have our pic taken with them. WHY? So you can post the pic on ur facebook/myspace page and look like a mack? You're not... I/We met at least five guys on the way to the car. This seems so counter intuitive to me...Why not talk to me during the event, buy me a drink, get to know me a little, dance with me and then ask for my number? Dudes just skip all that thesedays. Straight to the "can I get your number?"... A shame. How 'bout you give me a reason first to want to get to know you better? And I don't mean "me" literally. I'm spoken for. I'm just sayin'.

My Husband's Fiancee

I am so excited to announce that my new book, My Husband's Fiancee, will be released this October and I'm loving the cover! You can click here to pre-order your copy.

Kimberly Rose is a career-driven reality television producer whose career has recently taken a slump. But when she witnesses a mistress confronting her lover and his wife in a crowded shopping mall, she immediately realizes she has the next reality show hit on her hands. Her show, My Husband's Fiancee, is born. Kimberly's personal life isn't as successful as her career. Her past is filled with damaging secrets that still haunt her dreams.When her father's health begins to decline, Kimberly's mother can't understand why she's unaffected by the tragedy. Her mother doesn't know it but Kimberly and her father also share a wicked secret. Luckily, Kimberly's love life is just as she wants it; lust-filled rendezvous with her famous, wealthy "boy toy." When he starts pressuring her for a deeper commitment, she's faced with telling him about her past or hiding it from him and hoping she's never exposed. "My Husband's Fiancee" is the best reality show you will ever read! Tune in to see whether the husband chooses to stay with his wife or marry his mistress and whether Kimberly resolves her past demons and lets love into her life.

Parents, sometimes smoke alarms aren't enough!

This clip is a little lengthy, but very insightful. I was blown away. Scary!

Ciara, what happened?

I was browsing through one of my fave gossip sites, necolebitchie.com the other day and she mentioned Ciara's Super C persona and how Cici comments that bloggers are putting so much negative stuff out there but she won't let it get to her. Ms. Bitchie didn't have anything negative to say about her though, I might add. I thought to myself "Why would anyone hate on Ciara? She's beautiful, has a sweet image, can perform her butt off and keeps a decent song in rotation for the most part." Then I got to thinking...When she first hit the scene she was charasmatic, spunky and just generally different than the other R&B chicks out at the time, even despite the Beyonce'esque blond wig she was rocking.


While I believe in artists evolving, I feel she's veered so far from her lane that she just blends in now. While she looks more in shape and gorgeous than ever, she's become a robot: Yawn. Her classy, grown up look reminds me of Beyonce and Super-C looks like Rihanna's "Gone Bad" image.

Before and After...

The world has a hard time accepting change, especially if we loved you just as you were. Come back to us Ci...

P.S. Also, if I see her roll her hips or tick one more time I might just gouge my eyes out. I'm not hatin' just observing. Maybe a little bit of both. What-evs.

Know when to WALK AWAY...

I battled with how personal to make this blog entry because this topic hits home with me in ways that are pretty painful to relive. I wanted to share my testimony, but maybe not yet. I just launched this blog on Monday so we don't really know each other like that just yet...So fortunately and unfortunately there are plenty of public examples I can draw from instead.



When to walk away from a relationship is one of the hardest things to do, but you have to draw the line somewhere! Knowing when is a difficult thing to judge. We have Rihanna and Chris Brown, who at one point were the poster child for young, hip, love. The falacy of their love crashed and burned in front of an audience of millions. There's speculation that both of them had been violent with the other in the past - so who's to blame? Let's blame them both for being blinded by love and ignoring the signs that it was time to walk away long ago. Rarely are domestic violent episodes of this degree isolated incidents. Most likely it started with a shove, maybe a smack, maybe a choke-out or a little tussle. Nothing to write home about or that can't be forgiven when you're madly in love with someone, right? Or maybe nothing you haven't seen your own parents endure...



But then comes that one time...that one time where things go so far to the left that after the dust settles there's no turning back. He/she has hurt you so badly that you can't image ever sharing your body, mind and soul with this person ever again so you break up. (finally) But things went so left that now if you see that person in the street you mean-mug each other and keep it moving or just pretend not to see them. How sad is it that people that once craved each other...that bonded through adversity and euphoria, can't even remain civil? You're in court now pressing charges, getting restraining orders from the very person you entrusted with your life. The person you once considered your protector? I don't like the way!



So...when to walk away. It's painful when you love someone to imagine being without them. But its even more painful to endure abuse at the hands of someone you love. And no, not all relationships are ruined by domestic violence, but in my opinion that's just one of the worst things that can happen as a result of just hanging on too long to someone that's not worthy.



#1 - He/She tries to assasinate your character. For instance, I'm an author which leaves me vulnerable to critism from strangers. A man could easily break me down mentally by saying "You think you're all that because you're an author. That's nothing. And what you write is just stupid relationship stuff, nothing special." (thems fighting words)



#2 - He/She tries to control what you wear, what you do and with whom.



#3 - He/She doesn't like when others make you happy. They don't want to hear stories about the FedEx guy that told a funny joke that morning or the new assistant in the office that orders the healthy snacks you like. They want to be the only person that brings you joy. You find yourself not sharing certain parts of your day because you don't want to get them started.



#4 - He/She tries to make you into someone you aren't. There's a fine line between trying to get someone to step outside their box and trying to make them into what you wish they were.



#5 - You find yourself falling off. You used to enjoy weekly manicures and pedicures, got your hair done every two weeks faithfully, worked out and dressed like a diva. Now you're gaining weight, you're hair is a mess and breaking off, nails a wreck. The person you are with is downgrading you. You need to reassess!

Check out this video, it's long but the information you learn may save a life or a soul...

I laughed until I cried!

Black Men & White Women: Still a Hot Topic?

Essence.com says yes!



But I think they're just reaching really far to find a talking point for Beyonce's new movie "Obsessed." Do we (Black women) still have a problem with our brothers being with women that don't look like their mothers? Are we still talking about that? That's so 1995, I think.



Please weigh in. Is this still a hot topic?

My lip gloss be poppin'

I am a lip gloss fiend. I change up my selections, brand, colors often because I'm scared that I might be missing something. Real talk: The first thing I said in the delivery room after giving birth to my daughter was: "Ma, pass me my lip gloss." For me there's almost nothing more uncomfortable than dryness of the lip. It's equally unattractive too. I thought I'd share with you my top three lip gloss picks of the moment. And if you have any recommendations PLEASE SHARE!!




In order of preference:




#3 - C.O. Bigelow's Mentha Lip Tint in Pink Mint - Love the tingly feeling this one provides after smoothing it in. Makes me feel like its "working". Smells great, and provides a tiny tinge of pink to the lip. And it really moisturizes. I HATE lip gloss that just glosses and five minutes later your lips feel dry again. I need the gloss and the moisturization. This one brings it. I usually find myself wearing this one at work or running errands in sweatpants, etc. Loves it though.




#2 - Victoria's Secret Beauty Rush in Mocha Boom - This brand's glosses glide on a bit thick and a lot of people don't like that sticky feel. I don't mind it terribly. Another downside to some would be the strong coffee-like scent of the Mocha Boom. I loves it though. It brings the moisture game and I'm also feeling the goldish tint just adds a little something to the gloss experience.




#1 - Lancome's Juicy Tubes Sparkling Night Collection - Un-friggin-fortunately I can't report the flavor I like the most because it rubbed off the tube, but I think it's Constellation. It's a darker berry colored concoction of perfection. It's not too thick. It smells good, it tastes good, and it adds a sassy amount of color without looking like lipstick. Great moisturizer. This is my fave by far. Sometimes work is worthy of me wearing it but mostly I glide this baby on when I'm stepping out on the scene. Girl's Night Out flow, dinner with the hubby flow.

The Breast Cancer We Don't Always Hear About

Sheesh! I'm going to talk to my gynocologist about this at my annual visit. You should too!

First runner up for Husband #2

Dear Trey Songz,


I am a woman of a certain age. I'm a wife and a mother of two who's starting to make a name for myself in the literary community.


I've been in the presence of quite a bit of stars and have always remained the consummate professional. (Except for that time I chased O.D.B down an escalator and asked for a hug and he autographed my Pizza Hut box for me. Pause...I was like 14 so its ok. RIP Ol' Dirty Bastard)




I'm a classy broad for the most part, but let me tell you something, Tremaine, if I was single... I'd **** you the ******* in a ****** ***** bathroom, any time, any day.





With love,





Kaira

To Weave or not to Weave...

So I recently took my tracks out and swore never to weave again.


Now I'm no weave-nista but found in the last year or so I've grown to love the flexibility, ease and dependability of a good weave.


But that's just it...key word GOOD weave. Now, its not my weave girl's fault, she gets busy! When my weaves looked good, they looked GOOD, but good God almighty when they looked bad....uh, yeah. I truly believe in getting my money's worth so when I'm paying almost $200 for a hairstyle I'm going to hold onto it until it's a "man-down-code-red-situation" which is usually about six weeks.


I confided in my weave girl about my raggedy weave woes. The conversation went a little like this:


Me: My weave looks so damn rough after the second or third week. Do I need to buy better hair?


Weave Girl: Do you wrap it every night?


Me: No.


Weave Girl: (squinting her eyes at me) Do you keep it moisturized? Spray oil sheen in it and brush it everyday?


Me: No.


Weave Girl: (Giving me the serious side eye, hands now perched on hips) Do you get it washed?


Me: Oh, I can wash my hair with the tracks in?


Weave Girl: I'm through with you!


Evidently weaves aren't as care free as I thought! I might as well deal with my own hair if I got to be putting all this effort into it any damn way. How dare you? Verdict:


Weaves, I HATE YOU!


So... tracks are out. My hair has grown a good four to five inches since I've been wearing the weaves. Not mad at that, but I need a serious perm. Want it rinsed jet black and need a good trim. Basically I need to call on the professionals. First I text my weave girl:


Me: Do you do natural hair too? I need a relaxer, jet black rinse and a trim.


Weave Girl: Yes, I do it all.


Me: Oh goodie, can I come by tomorrow?


Weave Girl: (No response..........)



Ok so what that the next day was Good Friday, but she could've gave me an answer, I guess she wasn't playing when she said she was through with me. I don't like the way! So I didn't hear back from her. Took the hint...moved on to Plan B.




My back up plan was to walk in to this salon close to my house that "welcomes walk-ins". Yeah...right. Had Good Friday off from the plantation so I walked in right at 9:00am (the time they claim to open) There's seven people in front of me and only one sylist graciously decided to show up for work that morning, even though Easter weekend is quite possible the busiest weekend of the year at any salon. Bitches.




Normally, I would've done an about face and cut my losses, but this year I'm working on my patience. I took a seat and pulled out a novel. Five minutes and one chapter later I slammed the book closed, threw it in my bag and bounced. I tried.




Now since my hair is in dire straits and I've run out of options to remedy the situation, I'm cursing weaves, anyone that sells them, anyone that makes them, anyone that does them (especially my own weave girl), and anyone that wears them.




Drove to the nearest beauty supply store and bought all the ish I needed to do my own damn hair. See, I grew up doing my two little sister's hair and have a daughter with the thickest hair known to man, so I can do my own hair, I just can find a million other things I'd rather be doing. Like sleeping, writing, reading, cooking, eating, cleaning, having sexy time, sleeping...but I digress.




Result: I ended up chopping the entire five inches off that I was so happy to report. I have a serious pet peeve for scraggly ends and so it all...had...to...go. (Effing weave thinned out my hair, I hate you!!!) Overall it came out great though. It's thick, jet black like I like it, but its' short... A short bob. Cute, for a lot of people. I'm not quite in love with the look on me. Actually I hate it.




My fingers are itching to call my weave girl and beg her to take me back as a client. Beg her to weave me up and promise her I'll take good care of it this time! Looking in the mirror everyday at this bob, maybe I don't hate weaves all that much. Kinda miss it.





P.S. - I just happen to run into a ghost from pu$$y's past at an event he wasn't even invited to with the new cut. Of course, right? I'm feeling completely insecure about the new 'do and I see him after YEARS of not seeing him. YEARS!! Don't get it twisted. I'm happily married, but something inside of me lives for the "See what you could've had" moments. And I think I failed this time around. Horribly. Yes, its shallow and immature. I've been called worse.

I thoroughly enjoyed this!

I don't like the way I've watched this about eleven times and still find it as funny as the first!

Boyfriend #2?

Pleasure P sings "Ladies, if you got a man and a buddy on the side say Yeah. If you be making plans 'cause he ain't hitting it right say Yeah."


Uh...no.


Don't get me wrong. Love the song. Love it! When the kids (and the husband...lol) aren't in the car, I turn up the volume and sing at the top of my lungs "Yeah!"


Now, back to the point at hand...having a boyfriend #2 is problematic and just generally not a good look. Ladies have that man on the side usually to satisfy sexual, emotion, or financial needs that boyfriend #1 can't fulfill, right? For the sake of staying on subject, in Mr. P's song he refers to the untapped sexual desires being fulfilled by said boyfriend #2.


Here is why I find it problematic:

• Boyfriend #2, the jumpoff. Yes, he rocks that thang just like you need it rocked, but chances are very high that you are not the only thang he's rocking. STD's are not now nor have they ever been cute. Use condoms every time? Ok...but what about tongue kissing (both sets of lips...) Now there's no boyfriend #2 worth his salt if he isn't kissing both sets of lips. (Oooooo on the TLC tip!)




• There's a high chance the boyfriend #2 will never be boyfriend #1. If boyfriend #1 finds out about boyfriend #2 and leaves you, don't think you're going to run into the arms of boyfriend #2 to replace the one you just lost. Remember -- you're the slut that betrayed your boyfriend's trust just to get a nut. He doesn't want you boo. Not like that.

So I say, if boyfriend #1 ain't hitting it right to the point where you feel like you have to let someone else hit it right, then MOVE ON. You may say that boyfriend #1 has many good qualities so that's why you keep him around. Stable, good head on his shoulders, treats you nice, etc, blah, blah, blah. But here's the thing, love is an unconditional emotion. There's no I love him but....... You don't love him, move on. I mean, that's what boyfriends are for right? Good times, good sex, a best friend and all that rolled into one? Sex sucks, move on. (Just quickly, on the other hand if all he can do is hit it right and got no type of act-right in him...MOVE ON.)

Hmmm...now Husband #2, now THAT sounds more like it! Let that marinate for a minute... I think I like it... I mean, husbands aren't quite as disposable as a boyfriend, they can't be thrown away just because the sex ain't poppin' anymore. Commitment, love, sex, confidante, loyalty, STD free zone, and variety! That's if everyone plays by the rules. Have sex with me and no one else. After all I am your wife! Would never happen, but a girl can fantasize...